please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
