someone threw a dead crab at me
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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