His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
