Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
