I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize