Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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