Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize