Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
