i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
