you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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