She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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