I understand why you refuse to be sober now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
i now understand why vodka
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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