You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
