I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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