Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize