I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
