I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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