i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Randomize
