I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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