A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
