o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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