My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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