Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
