we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
