Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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