just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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