People in love make me want to vomit
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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