maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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