He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
