The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
