I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
