Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
