If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Did you pee in the oven last night??
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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