ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
