you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
