If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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