Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
