He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
