Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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