he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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