Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
