Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
