yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
