fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
