i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
