pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
