Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
