i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
