My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize