his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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