Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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