Can Purell be used as lube?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize