Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
