i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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