Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
