The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize