Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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