The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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