Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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