nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
