now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
