he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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