Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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