You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
