"it" just moved
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize