I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Send help, water and tortillas.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
