4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
