So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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