hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
