it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Found your dick twin last night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
