spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
