and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
