At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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