Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
