you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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