its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
soo... how was my night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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