I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
