He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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