im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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