I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
