i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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