Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize