dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize