i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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