I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
