cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
