hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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